Yesterday, I had a follow up visit with my foot doctor, Dr. Julia. We share great conversations about pain and pain management. I told her the pain from my foot is one issue but the mental pain from not being able to “Do” and just “Be” while I rest is a bigger problem. I asked her if she did psychiatric counseling.
“Psychiatric Podiatrist, interesting concept, Mary,” she chuckled.
She thought I was kidding. I was dead straight.
Being limited physically, allowing others to wait on you hand and foot, rubs up against our freedom and independence. Relying on others and canceling commitments makes me a person I do not want to be. I am the doer, the caretaker, the supporter, the one who has been there for others. But now I am having to reverse roles. Now, I am the receiver, the one who needs support, the one who needs others to be here.
Tough lesson, boot.
A younger version of myself might have used food or wine to navigate these waters. Lots of it. But I know better. That only compounds suffering.
I am trying to spend time with the thoughts that are arising. How do I see myself? Do I have to “Do” to “Be”? Why is it so hard to just “Be”?
The boot seems to be telling me my ego is feeling very threatened by not “Do-ing”. My ever present little pug, Trey, allows me to see there is beauty in just “Be-ing”.
I will keep taking centering breaths, not engage the negative thoughts my ego keeps trying to present, and attempt to absorb what Trey knows. It is his peace I desire.
And what I have learned is that if I take pen to paper I might be able to mine some gems from this experience.