I have been in a relatively pain free place for many years, and I continue to be amazed that my mind maintains an attachment to the shadows of pain. This memory of pain lingers in my muscles and bones.
How do I know I have not totally detached?
Every time something wonderful happens, I observe my thoughts asking me, “Are you sure you deserve this?” I know it is the pained part of me that poses the question.
It is trust and faith that allow us to disengage and move from safe havens. Clinging to safety keeps us from enjoying the beauty that life has to offer. I know that I can trust that it’s OK to be pain-free, and I can have faith that pain won’t return if I continue to manage it. Much like the infant, when he learns to trust his swimming coach, he will know that she will always catch him while he learns to swim on his own.
Totally detaching from my pain requires that I relinquish the mental armor that gives me the illusion of control. I want to remember the “just let go, it will be okay” thoughts that I wanted to share with the infant. I want to realize that when I have the nagging thoughts in the back of my head–the “Are you sure you deserve this?” thoughts–that I recognize the need to let go and trust that I do deserve the pain-free moments in life. We all do.